Alaska Road

Alaska Road

I am in a season of waiting. There are a number of things I am waiting for, not least of which is having a baby in a little over two months. Preeminent in my mind right now is waiting to hear back from publishers on the book proposal I turned in a couple of weeks ago.

This has been a strange and unexpected process. A year and a half ago, as I was just beginning work on The Dark in the Song, a new friend of mine explained what would be involved in a proposal if I wanted to have my book published by a publishing house rather than self-publish it. At the time, I thought, No way. That is not something I will ever be interested in doing. Yet, a year later, I dove into all that she had talked about – five months of writing, rewriting, making phone calls, meeting with people – to get a proposal in the best shape I could before turning it in to a few publishers. It was a surprise.

Now that I’m in it, though, I sense a growing desire within me – a desire that frightens me a little bit. Yes, I can say it aloud. Yes, I would like this book to be published, and yes, I would like it to be published by a team of professionals.

It’s scary to confess our desires, isn’t it?

Now I wait in the knowledge that this is what I want, with little knowledge of when the wait will end and only inklings of how it might end.

I hate waiting. Waiting brings anxiety, fear, and stress – symptomized by hyperactive email-checking, mediocre sleep, and racing thoughts.

So how do I reshape my experience of waiting?

How do I learn to wait with a sense of freedom?

Right now I have no obligations to fulfill and no decisions to be made. That could change very quickly.

What does it look like to embrace possibility, to dance at the crossroads, to enjoy the rest that comes with unknowing?

Waiting doesn’t feel restful, and yet I see that it could be. Here I am, today, with hours before me and nothing all that pressing to get done. Tomorrow might be a different story.

How do I release anxiety and fear and live instead in hope and expectation?

This reminds me of the weeks when Dave was in the midst of the interview process for his job at Open Door. If he got the job, things would move quickly, but if he didn’t…. Was everything about to change, or would nothing change?

How do I walk in trust that the next best step will be revealed at the right moment, and whatever that is, all will come to good?

Today, I choose freedom and rest. I choose to set aside my work on the manuscript for a little bit longer. I choose to play – to do an art project, to make music, to go out for dinner with my husband. Tomorrow, I will choose again.

Dance your freedom at the crossroads as you wait for the next step.

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